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Case Study – Counseling 

Sheila* recently came in for counseling because she was extremely stressed out by a situation going on in her family. Sheila lost her ability to clearly assess what she needed to do and what her course of action should be. 

Sheila and her husband Jim and her daughter Kim, (names all changed) moved to the Charlotte area from New England about a year ago. They moved because life had grown stagnant in their home town and, truth be told, they wanted to escape from the dysfunctional ways of Sheila’s siblings and father. For example Sheila always ended up hosting the traditional family gatherings around the holidays, where inevitably there would be some sort of falling out—and Sheila, being the “professional caretaker” of the family would be lift picking up the pieces and playing peace-maker. 

This routine got old over the years—so Sheila and her husband finally bit the bullet and decided to move out of their hometown to Charlotte. One of Sheila’s sisters, inspired by Sheila’s lead, decided to move her family down as well. But here is where the problem arose; when Bill, their 80-year-old widower father decided he too would move to the area! 

Bill is a religious fanatic, very cynical and judgmental, especially after he’s had a few drinks, and invited himself to live with Sheila, Jim and Kim. Jim began to feel like he could not relax in his own home. Bill expected Sheila to wait on him hand and foot, and cook whenever, and whatever he requested. Even little Kim did not feel comfortable bringing home friends because her grandfather emitted a negative energy that was palpable in their home. Essentially their whole family was unhappy. 

That is when Sheila called Expect Success. Through a series of sessions, Sheila was able to come to the conclusion that she did not have to sacrifice the peace and joy of her family to accommodate the selfish desires of her father. In working with Sheila, it became clear that Bill was healthy and capable of living on his own - and could afford to do so. If Bill were to leave Sheila's home, he would not be turned out on the street.

However, Sheila’s sisters were appalled when they heard that Sheila and Jim had asked their father to set a date, about a month out, to move out.  

Sheila felt betrayed at this response because in the months leading up to their difficult decision, the sisters had often commented that Sheila should not have to put up with their father’s demands and suggested themselves that Sheila should just ask Bill to leave, (although none of them offered to take him in themselves!) But when Sheila finally was able to ask Bill to leave she was condemned. We discussed and examined the characteristics of dysfunctional families, of which a strong characteristic is the blond rigid adherence to senseless traditions. In this case: that a widowed parent would live with a daughter’s family, even when he is capable, physically and financially to live on his own, and even when it caused strain on that adult-child’s family. 

Through counseling, Sheila was able to re-confirm that she was making the best decision all around and helped her father find a suitable new home. Sheila, Jim and Kim are all now doing well and Bill is surviving just fine on his own.

*All names changes for privacy